Another day, I was talking with a girlfriend who’s in a process of being divorced from her husband after 30 years of marriage. After listening to her complaints for thirty minutes, she announced,”I won’t ever forgive him” for this,”I won’t ever forgive him” for that. Now, I can completely understand her frustration.
What you did is ok
When we choose to forgive, we’re just letting go of our end of the series which keeps us enslaved to the past and bound to that individual and whatever happened. By forgiving, we’re taking our attention off a crippling vision of what we don’t need more of and replacing it with what we want to create. By deciding to forgive and respond with love instead of fear–we free ourselves. We sweep away the years of built-up sludge that jam up the channels by which abundance of each kind flows, and we move more firmly to our capacity to attest that peaceful, prosperous world we wish to live in.
Forgiving is something which a person does for himself rather than for somebody else. Some years back, I had a significant upset with one of my relatives. The debate was so painful that my mind and body went into a state of shock. I just couldn’t get over it.
Let’s understand it
A few weeks later, I discovered I was losing my hair. I’d find hair just about everywhere: in the shower, in my bed, on the kitchen floor. Slowly, slowly I noticed that my hair started thinning in the front of the scalp. I knew the reason I was losing my hair was the mad I experienced with my loved ones. However, I didn’t know what to do about it and wasn’t prepared to go bald, at least not yet! I started panicking.
I went to see a dermatologist who prescribed Rogaine. Rogaine is some type of liquid that you put on the affected area and expect it’ll prevent the thinning of the hair. I used it few times, but I didn’t like the side effects. My hair became rough and turned into a grayish color. The last time I used it, I got dizzy and almost passed out. That was the conclusion of Rogaine for me.
Compassion Exercise
Allow me to explain how it’s done. Just like me, this individual is seeking joy in their life. Just like me, this individual has known sadness, loneliness, and despair. Just like me, this individual is attempting to prevent suffering in their lifetime. Just like me, this individual is learning about life. While doing the exercise, I place myself into their shoes and felt the way they felt. Slowly I introduced the negative energy which was impacting my thoughts and my body, and let it drain from me to the world.
By doing this exercise, I forgave the individual and consequently, my hair loss stopped. What do you think happened ? It had to do with forgiveness. It had to do with giving up the energy. If I kept holding grudges and hadn’t forgiven this individual, I would be quite bald by now. Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move forward. Generally , it’s much easier to forgive others than forgiving ourselves for our own mistakes.
Conclusion
The best way to learn how to forgive yourself is to make a record of everything that you think you did from minor errors to larger mistakes. Then use the above mentioned exercise of forgiving yourself. You’ll be surprised how lighter you will feel later. The advantages of forgiveness are too many to mention. Could you benefit from some of them? Needless to say, you could! Additionally, the path to getting these benefits is through forgiveness.